When the Meat Planet was first discovered by Galileo in 1660 it caused a crucible of shock to ripple throughout Christendom. Religious scholars objected the idea of a Meat Planet on the grounds that it challenged the perfection of the heavens. Galileo was condemned by the church for his blasphemous theory, the Pope announcing spitefully on Galileo’s birthday that: “The idea of a Meat Planet is absurd, and not only contradicts the Holy Word of God, but constitutes a failure of logic, and at the very least betrays an absence of faith.” No-one could believe that such a hideous abomination could be created by a loving and merciful God.

Galileo was spared when he submitted to the authority of the church, but many others throughout Europe were burned to a crisp for espousing theories on the nature and existence of a meat planet. Some believed it had been created from the meat of angels, killed in God’s war with Satan. Other’s claimed the planet was God’s food source, nourishing Him through the eons with fresh mountains of celestial beef.

To this day, religious leaders from America to Iran demand that the Meat Planet be destroyed, claiming it is the creation of Satan which pokes an overweight and greasy thumb in the eye of God.